...Baby One More Time
Aaaah, I remember it like it was yesterday. March 1999, sitting at my desk, working at an internship down in the Wall Street section of Manhattan, when suddenly this song blared through the headphones of my portable Sony Discman on a station called Z-100. Suddenly, my head nodded and there was strange movement happening with my feet. I looked down, only to find my right foot moving in unison with the beat. What was happening?! I slowly looked around my desk area just to be certain that no one could hear the tunes, or see the affect it was having on me. Was I becoming a Britney Spears fan?! What on God's Green Earth was going on?!
I hurried home that evening, asking an old friend to burn this track to a CD (along with a few *NSYNC songs, might I add) and it was on that day I accepted my truth: I really was a loser! But, it was time to diversify my taste in music once more - in a time period where hip-hop had taken over the air/radio waves. Soon, I'd include Backstreet Boys, Christina Aguilera, Savage Garden, Goo Goo Dolls, Sugar Ray and a sh*tload of other artists I never thought I'd ever warm up to... not in 1999! and what a great year it was. Oh, how I miss the Y2K anxiety, Napster and CD's (they don't even make CD players in cars anymore!). What is happening to the world, and what am I to do with my massive CD collection?
I just want what was promised to me when I was spending allowance money on baseball cards and comics instead of purchasing stock. BTW, that Superman comic was SUPPOSED to send me off to an early retirement - purchased in November 1992 - still UNOPENED - because that's what the store clerk advised at the time. The joke was clearly on me.
In my quest to find happiness on a consistent basis, I revisited a game show from my childhood: Supermarket Sweep. Suddenly, I felt the corners of my mouth shift upwards; my cheeks puffed out like a blowfish. Lo and behold... there it was... a smile.
I watched, as contestants raced across a built-in supermarket inside of a Hollywood studio, as a rambunctious audience cheered them on. In the background was announcer Johnny Gilbert, providing play-by-play, as contestants filled their carts with expensive grocery items in an attempt to beat the clock;
5, 4, 3, 2, 1....
"Okay, guys, return to the checkout area!" yelled host, David Ruprecht.
Suddenly, an amazing spectacle occurred right before my eyes: the camera panned in on Ruprecht and his sweater. It was hypnotic! The splash of abnormal pattern designs and bizarre colors permeated the upper half of his body, while on his head stood an unforgivable hairstyle which he could've ONLY gotten away with in the 80s and 90s. Finally, the camera panned in on the contestants before going on a commercial break. Standing, were a couple of women - sans heavy makeup and scantily clad outfits, accompanied by men who were unafraid to wear mustaches and coke-bottle glasses. Oh, what a sight! The excitement on their face was peerless.
I used to watch this show religiously with my grandmother and it made me realize how much I miss the 90s. Wherefore art thou? Can we say - Re-boot? Let's put it in the universe... Ehh, on second thought. I wouldn't want some producer from this generation incorporating the f*ckery of the 2000s. Nevermind.
*Pulling it back from the universe*